Journal entry 27 March 2007, 0825, Caddo Mills, TX. KOA Campground.
If I could turn back time, I would do it.
Emerson would be alive; Death’s sting, I’d not have absorbed—
If only I could turn back time . . .
If I could turn back time . . . his grave would be empty . . .
His address, not the IOOF Cemetery--if only I could turn back time. . . . If only I could turn back time, this heart’s deep pang would not be mine . . .
If only I could turn back time.Then I’d have no memory, clear and stark, of the Army dress . . . Class A’s,
the Mimi Van, with US GOV plates, driving down our drive way, on a warm spring afternoon—
If only I could turn back time . . . .
If I could turn back time, the Name they stated, when the Driver stepped from the vehicle and asked me, while I stood there with dog bowls in hand, If the name, the address that they were looking for . . . it would not have been mine,
If only I could turn back time.
But I cannot turn back time.
Now, all there is, is the memory of the moments, the news . . . the finality of it all.
It sets in . . . ; [for] the weight [of the bereavement],
I could not [at times] hold my body up . . . The tears . . . The talks with the Shepherd . . . the tears . the plans, the details—what, and how it [the hit] all came down—just exactly what transpired.
The support, the phone calls. The shared tears . . . the funeral plans, the details; the shed tears, the phone calls, the e-mails, the shed tears . . . .
The Funeral Home, the trip to the Airport . . . the arrival of the body . . . in a flagged draped coffin . . . the march of the feet of The Old [Honor] Guard Primary team . . . the shed tears . . . The rumble of the Harleys, the shed tears . . ..
The lines of the locals gathered; the whipping flags . . .. The tears and hankies seen along that pathway;
And in the Limo, the shed tears . . ..
If I could turn back time not one of those memories would be mine.
Journal Of Debi Lynn Brand
IN MEMORY OF SGT. EMERSON NOAH BRAND
January 22, 1978 - March 15, 2007
